When will I feel like a Dad?
At midnight last night, dearest Hyperham presented me with a Father’s Day card “from” Alex, which took me a little by surprise. Not because I hadn’t realised it was Father’s Day – we were in the ancestral home to quasi-celebrate Father’s Day with my Dad – but because I still don’t quite yet 100% feel like a Dad yet.
Oh, to be sure, I try to do as much as I can, as time/energy allows. I change nappies, try to feed him, burp him, read him a bedtime story he has no possibility of understanding, and scheme to try and make this his lullaby of choice. And sure, I could do more but then, couldn’t anyone really?
But it’s hard to relate to a small being who essentially sleeps, mewls, poos, screams and sleeps again. Even if he does have a huge mega-wattage smile. And my hair – even to the point of losing it already, poor chap.
It does somewhat feel like the stork flew over my head, and plopped him in my arms and told me to look after him for eternity. Which we will … but somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s a feeling that he’s not really mine. And I don’t think that feeling will go away till he really starts engaging with me in a manner that I can understand in some way.
Or maybe when I can spin the lil’ chap around like this. I’ve had the privilege of spinning friends’ and relatives’ kids around a couple of times, and that is a sure-fire way to feel Dad-like. Or at least Uncle-like. Then again, I already do Superman impressions with Monkey…
Anyway, have a happy Post-Fathers’-Day Monday!