When will I feel like a Dad?
At midnight last night, dearest Hyperham presented me with a Father’s Day card “from” Alex, which took me a little by surprise. Not because I hadn’t realised it was Father’s Day – we were in the ancestral home to quasi-celebrate Father’s Day with my Dad – but because I still don’t quite yet 100% feel like a Dad yet.
Oh, to be sure, I try to do as much as I can, as time/energy allows. I change nappies, try to feed him, burp him, read him a bedtime story he has no possibility of understanding, and scheme to try and make this his lullaby of choice. And sure, I could do more but then, couldn’t anyone really?
But it’s hard to relate to a small being who essentially sleeps, mewls, poos, screams and sleeps again. Even if he does have a huge mega-wattage smile. And my hair – even to the point of losing it already, poor chap.
It does somewhat feel like the stork flew over my head, and plopped him in my arms and told me to look after him for eternity. Which we will … but somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s a feeling that he’s not really mine. And I don’t think that feeling will go away till he really starts engaging with me in a manner that I can understand in some way.
Or maybe when I can spin the lil’ chap around like this. I’ve had the privilege of spinning friends’ and relatives’ kids around a couple of times, and that is a sure-fire way to feel Dad-like. Or at least Uncle-like. Then again, I already do Superman impressions with Monkey…
Anyway, have a happy Post-Fathers’-Day Monday!
Aguamoose and 
Mosh 2:46 pm on June 20, 2011 Permalink |
I think you're right with the "engaging" thing. I *do* feel like a dad as, over the last 8 months, I've been there for "ouch's", tantrums, bedtime stories, tellings-off, rewards, new experiences, helping with homeworks, dealing with huffs and so on.
I doubt it's any less work, but the feedback is… impossible to put properly into words. I'm *not* a dad insomuch as the kids are mine, but I am as far as taking on the role – which seems to be being understood and rewarded.
Aguamoose 1:12 am on December 29, 2011 Permalink |
Ok, just for a second imagine the harm that someone could do to your child. I know, it hurts. But for just one second imagine one tiny bit of fear or pain in those little eyes? What would you do to take that pain away?
Have you ever sat back and looked into your child's eyes and wondered what they think of you? Have you ever just thought one second about them not being in you life?
It is not a case of what you feel, or what the movies have told you. You are responsible for this child. You are this child's hope, it;s role model, its future. Pull your head out of your arse and look past your own needs and wants.
Fatherhood is one of the most rewarding things in the world if you are willing to accept the challenge. And that is not even the best reason to do so.